The Good Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want

faster pussycat

You know, the Rolling Stones will tell you that ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’….and they are mistaken.

As much as I love Mick and the boys…they got this one wrong.  You can get what you want.  You just need to know how to ask for it.  And I am here to help you…

There are those types who are able to learn things the easy way.  They read instruction manuals.  They change their air filters every 30 days.  They even check the batteries in their smoke detectors on a regular basis.  They tend to make well-informed decisions.  They color in the lines.  This type of person usually understands what they want and they take the well-traveled, well-lit, path of least resistance towards their goal.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of persona.  I admire them.  I wish I could be more like them.  But I fall into a completely different category.

I have to figure out what I don’t want to understand what I do want.  I must take the long route to my destination. I need to sample everything on the menu to figure out what tastes good.  And I have certainly done that in my love life.  Did it and loved it.  Did and it and liked it.  Did it and thought…what the hell was I thinking???

It has taken me quite a while to embrace who I am.  Over the years I have kissed many princes, a few princesses and a ton of frogs…but I emerged from the disheveled beds of lovers past to find my true self.  I share this with you to illustrate that it may take you time and trial and error to figure out what you like.  It is not always an easy path, but the destination is well worth the journey.

There are few scenarios that led me to this place of self-discovery (which spiraled me into self-indulgence…but we will save that for another post). From an early age, I knew I was different than my friends, with a different perspective on life and a much more liberal but grounded view of sex.  I knew I wanted to try everything.  I wanted to know what felt good.  How to make my partner feel good.  And in this quest, I longed to take risks.  Whether it was sex in a public place.  Sex with more than one.  Sex for hire.  I knew I wanted to live on the edge.  I guess you could say that I am my own version of an adrenaline junkie.   The lesson here for me, the underlying theme…I like the thrill of the risk.  I like to teeter on the edge of danger.

How do you ask your lover for danger?  How do you translate this need into your ‘day-to-day romp in the hay’?  How do you verbalize that you want to be choked to the brink of unconsciousness, without them looking at you like you are an alien life form?  Without them worrying they could hurt you?  How do you ask him to carve his initials in your flesh, without him stealing a side glance to look for his getaway car?  The answer is simple.


Choose a partner whose demons play well with your demons.  For all of us kinky motherfuckers out there…this means, make sure their kinks align with your kinks.  It is likely that two sadists won’t play well together.  Not to say they couldn’t…it’s just that one person may walk away hungry, while the other is full…when both should be sated.  Do you feel me?  Not saying you should dump your mate if they’re not into what you’re in to…but look for the compromise.  What’s the common ground?  Maybe he is not comfortable with breath play that involves his hands around your throat…but he is turned on by gagging you with his cock deep in your throat.  For those of us who like breath play, this may work as a great compromise.  He likes.  You like.  Everyone is happy.

Communicate openly and honestly with your partner.  This can be difficult.  What if you want something that you are afraid to verbalize to anyone…even your lover?  And that risk of rejection and humiliation keeps you from uttering the words…Take for example, my fascination with knives, needles and sharp objects.  I am not a cutter.  I have never tried self-mutilation or anything of that nature, however, I find it erotic to have my lover “puncture” my skin.  It’s about giving up the control to another..the manifestation of release as the point breaks my skin.  And I enjoy watching the wound heal.  (For any shrinks reading this…I may need to privately message you).  This is something I like, but rarely engage in with my One.  He is not comfortable cutting me, as we have tried it, however, he is adept at inflicting just enough pain and puncture with the Wartenberg wheel, for me to be satisfied.  It works out.  And I am happy.

Stay present and in the moment.  This can be challenging for some..myself included.  There are usually about ten random thoughts buzzing about in my brain at any given time.  When I am being fucked, my head isn’t always in the game.  Not that it’s not good…it could be that it is very good and I am trying to figure out what is making it so good, so it can be repeated. But get out of your own way…relax and enjoy the moment.  Relish in the pleasure.  Don’t try to over-analyze.  Just learn what feels good.  And then tell your partner.  (You could even take it to another level and add in some dirty talk)   When they know you like something, they are more apt to do it.

Let go.  Let go of all of the bullshit.  Let go of your doubts.  Embrace your beauty.  Embrace your body.  The softness of your skin, the warmth of your breath, the wetness of your sex.  Let go of your hang-ups.  Evict the negativity from your brain, and indulge in the pleasure.  Let go of your fears. If there’s something you want, ASK FOR IT.  You will know when the time is right.  Tell your lover your fantasies.  Lose the fear of rejection or judgement.  You may need to learn how to translate your desires in a way they can understand.  I often talk about my fantasies as a lead in to foreplay.  As he kisses my neck and I know where we are headed, I may whisper in his ear, “I want to feel your warm load all over my face tonight.  I’ve been thinking about it.  How I would look.  I want you to take a picture so I can enjoy it too.” Yes…that is a little risque for some.  And it may not be your cup of tea…but this was something I wanted.  And guess what?  I got it.  (I really got it.  And on a side note, be careful and don’t get it in your eyes.  It burns.)

It Is a Two-Way Street.  The best way to get what you want is to give.  Give your partner what he wants.  Learn what he likes and give it freely.  And before you over-think this concept, remember the art of compromise.  He may whisper in your ear that he has always wanted to see you with another woman.  And this may be something you are not willing to do.  It may not appeal to you at all.  Now what?  I am pretty open to this idea, but would be hesitant to act on it.  I mean where does one randomly find another woman willing to play with you and your mate for an evening…that doesn’t cost you a fortune?  With that being said…if I were in this situation, I would ask him to open up about what he wants to see and take it from there.  “I want to watch another woman make you cum.  I want to see her face buried in your sweet pussy.  I want to watch you lose control.”  Even if the fantasy was not possible, I would respond with something like this…”I can feel her soft lips on my nipples (as I fondled my breasts) moving down to my sweet spot.  Her long hair tickles my legs and her mouth is wet and warm on my skin. (I would begin touching myself for him to see).  Tell me what you want to happen next.”  Acting out this scenario (without the other woman) helps to give him the fantasy without making you uncomfortable.  It may or may not be enough for him.  Regardless of what happens next, you have responded to his needs.  You have listened to his desires without judgement.  He feels comfortable sharing what he wants with you…which opens the door for you to share what you desire.  It’s a win-win.  Not all fantasies come to fruition.  And that’s okay.  


Just remember this…there are very few mind readers out there.  It’s probable that neither you nor your lover have this superpower.  Simplify.  Just say what you want.  Listen to what they are saying to you.  Be responsive.  Go all in, or find the compromise that satisfies you both.

Now go forth, kinky motherfuckers.  Go get what you want.



My First Three-Way

Ah…my first three-way. It happened when I was on vacation.  You know, they don’t make a postcard that says, “Wish You Were Here for the 3-Way” or “Greetings from the Menage a Trois” do they?  I remember like it was yesterday, although it’s been a while.

It was the summer of 1989, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

I traveled there with my gay cousin who was a few years older than me. He gave the outward appearance of being responsible and trustworthy. My parents, his aunt and uncle, trusted him inherently…which meant I was allowed to travel with him…at 16 years old. It was the summer before my senior year. As we’ve established, I had quite a bit of experience under my belt at this point (no pun intended).  Our plan was to live it up for the weekend, although our families thought we were on a mission to shop at the outlets and tan on the beach.  I don’t know if we ever even made it to the beach itself.  But we did some serious shopping.

We arrived in the early afternoon.  The first line of business was to make sure my fake ID was believable.  My cousin, Joe, had a friend (Carl) who worked the door at several nightclubs at the beach.  Carl looked at it and said it passed the test.  Next on the agenda was finding something appropriate for me to wear.  We were venturing out to a few gay clubs and I needed to ditch the virtuous ensemble I’d packed as part of the farce, for something a bit more outrageous.  We went to a local shop and I found a black halter that highlighted my large, tan, perky breasts.  It was very sexy and it was perfect with the cutoff jeans I’d brought.  We had dinner and hit the first club around 10:00.  The music was great, but the club was dead.  So we left.  The next club had a drag show for the evening and there wouldn’t be any dancing until after 1:00 am.  So we went to yet another club….and just like in the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears…

This one, was JUST RIGHT.

It was full of beautiful men.  Men of all ages.  All races.  All backgrounds.  And I assumed that they were all gay. Within minutes of arriving, I felt someone caress my bare back and I turned around to find a gorgeous Latin man. He was a great dancer and we had instant chemistry.  But…he was there with his lover and I could tell he was not pleased with our connection.  Javier said he was bisexual, but his boyfriend was the jealous type, so we parted ways a few dances into the evening.  The music in the club was great, but I just wasn’t feeling it.  I asked my cousin to take me back to the hotel.  I knew he was far from being finished with the evening and I didn’t want my lack of interest to ruin his good time.  He was more than eager to take me back because he wanted to change clothes.

Our hotel was right in the middle of “the strip” which is the main road in Myrtle Beach.  It is party central on most nights.  Our room faced the street below and I had a perfect box seat to watch the festivities below.  Before my cousin left to head back out, he handed me a bottle of Bacardi and said….”Help yourself, doll.  Just save me some.”  I decided to try it and I made myself a rum and coke and ventured out the balcony.

The sites below were like being on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras.  It was Girls Gone Wild…Guys Gone Wild…flashy cars…flashy clothes…loud music and lots of partying.  I was entertained by my view from the top and I sat there for a bit enjoying the buzz around me.

“Hey there, ma’am.  What are you doing by yourself on a Friday night?”  he yelled.  I didn’t pay him any attention, because I didn’t know he was talking to me.  He yelled again, “You in the black shirt…you okay up there?”  I then realized he was talking to me.

I leaned over the rail and said, “Yes!  I am fine.  Just enjoying the view from up here.”  I didn’t realize that my breasts were on full display as I leaned over the balcony.  But he did.

“You have an extra chair up there for me?” he asked.  And being the foolish, adventurous teen I was….I said, “Of course I do.  You coming?”

We met in the lobby.  His name was Chris.  He was a cadet at the Citadel.  He was tall, muscular and a bit cocky.  I hand’t noticed, but he was with a friend, who was very quiet and reserved.  Not bad looking, just a bit shy.  And I know how dangerous this is…but I invited them up.  After all…they were from the Citadel and that was an elite school.  They couldn’t be that dangerous.

We arrived in the room and went to the balcony.  We sat out there, drank rum, told stories and enjoyed each other’s company. His friend, Rick, began to loosen up a bit and we all had a great time.  They left to get another bottle of Bacardi as we plowed through the first one.

When they came back, Chris recommended we play a drinking game.  I was all for it, but the only game I knew of (remember, I was only 16) was Quarters.  Chris had another plan.

“I have another game in mind.  It’s like Quarters, but it’s called…’Drink, Drink, Fuck.”  I knew exactly where he was going.

And I immediately went into beast mode.  

I smiled shyly and then stared him in the eye and said, “Drink, Drink, Fuck, huh?  Come now, Chris.  Let’s just skip the drinking.”

And it was on.

Chris stood me up and began kissing me, while his (now not so shy) friend, Rick, stood behind me.  Chris unbuttoned my jeans while Rick took off my shirt.  I wasn’t wearing  a bra and they both tended to my ample breasts.  I had Chris first.  I could tell he was experienced.  He flipped me over on my stomach and he fucked me from behind.  Rick watched us for a while and I asked him to come sit in front of me.  I sucked his cock while Chris continued to fuck me.  Chris lasted a long time and I could tell Rick was about to come, so I stopped sucking him and let Chris finish.  The entire scene was so hot.  When he finished I told him to wash himself and come back to me.  Even back then, I disliked the taste of latex.  While he was in the bathroom, I mounted Rick and began grinding on his hard dick.  I was so into the scene that I was on auto pilot. Chris returned and I turned myself into reverse cowgirl so I could face Chris’ cock.  I rode and sucked them until we all came in an absolute frenzy.  It was amazing.

Afterwards, Rick and I lay there while Chris went back out on the balcony for another drink.  Rick got up to join him and I said, “Send Chris back in here.  I want more of him.”

The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur.  I do remember that we fucked for what seemed forever.  Rick sat in the chair watching us while he stroked his cock.  It was such a insanely hot exchange.

Just before dawn…the second bottle of Bacardi was gone.  We had almost used an entire box of condoms and I was spent.  And despite the night’s activities, both of these naughty soldiers were still gentlemen.  They got me some juice from the lobby, helped me put on my pink satin gown and tucked me in the bed.  They left as the first light began to shine on the balcony.

So ladies and gents… that was my first three-way.

Two guys.  One girl.  Two bottles of rum.  A box of condoms.