taboo

The Good Girl’s Guide to Anal…

I will openly, honestly and unabashedly admit it….

I love it in the ass.

There is something about anal that is so primal.  So taboo.  So dastardly.

I know that most women (let me clarify I hate generalizations like “most women” but know that I am speaking from my pool of friends and acquaintances) don’t regularly allow visitors in the “back” door.  They reserve this entrance for birthdays or anniversaries.  Or let’s be real…if your man cleans out the gutters, or refinishes the floors…he deserves anal, if he wants it.  But still…letting him fuck you in the ass is usually reserved for special occasions.  

Why is that?

Is it because you just don’t like it?  He doesn’t like it?  Is it because it’s perceived as being wrong or immoral?  Is it because you are uncomfortable with the mechanics of it…after effects, etc?  Because if approached properly, it can be amazing.  I don’t know if anyone else reading this has had a g-spot/anal orgasm simultaneously, but it is something you will want to celebrate.  It’s so fucking good, you may find yourself calling your mom to tell her about it.

Let’s open up and talk frankly about the ass.  The single most important thing  when engaging in anal is to make sure there is proper lubrication.  You cannot skip this step.  It is the difference between disaster and bliss.  It is imperative that you are well lubricated or it won’t happen again for 10 years, regardless of the gutters or floors.

Make sure you are clean.  As women, we often stress over our bodies.  And I will digress off the anal over to oral for a quick minute…but have you ever not enjoyed having someone pleasure your orally because you were stressed that your ‘hoo-hah’ was less than pleasant?  I know I have.  Not that it needs to smell like Bath and Body Works, but we all want to be so fresh and so clean, clean.  Over the years, I have found ways to ensure I am comfortable with my scent.  I have not one time had a complaint from anyone who has been up close and personal or front and center with her.  And so I encourage you…make sure your back door is clean and then let your anxieties go.

Go slowly.  Being able to venture around back makes some men very excited.  Make sure your partner knows that this is a process that is not to be rushed.  I am more aroused if he fingers my ass first…and when using lubricant, it ensures there is a slippery path for his grand entrance.  Whether you are using a plug or a dildo, or the real thing…take it one inch at a time and don’t forget to breathe.  Stay in close communication about what feels good and what doesn’t.  It may take more than one attempt to go “all in” but it’s worth the try.

As you become more comfortable, try double penetration.  While he is tightly in your ass have him fuck your pussy with his fingers or a well-lubricated dildo.  Or better yet…one that vibrates so he can enjoy it as much as you do.  Now that’s what I call double trouble.

Remember this…there is a cardinal, hygienic rule when it comes to anal.  After entering the back door, he is NOT allowed to enter the front door, without first cleaning himself.  There are certain “things” that should not be mixed together and this is very important.  Front door first, back door second…good.  Mouth first, front door second and back door last…even better.  (I am not an ass-to-mouth girl…I am in healthcare and could never go there with what I know) But ass is always last.  That rhymes so it should be easy to remember.

So why not get a bit liquored up and give it a spin?  (First time is a little easier if you’re tipsy) Why not try something taboo?  Why not surprise your guy with a welcome mat for the back door….one that says, “Come in, we’re open.”

Who knows…he may clean out the gutters without one single reminder this year.

Ass up, ladies.  Make it happen.

assup

(Disclaimer.  This post was written by a masochist.  Please note all references to pain or discomfort may be minimized given her unique and twisted perspective.)