BDSM

Obsidian

My obsidian soul

My hidden places

And murky corners

All within

Dark and needy

Loud and greedy

A taste for sin

In those corners

Opaque and bleak

He can see

The light within

Despite the sin

Taking all of me

As I am

Without fear

Without shame

He knows my heart

He knows my name

As do I…

I am his

He is mine

unmasked

(Photo credit: Pinterest)

No Turning Back

It was the summer of 2014 and I was on a journey to sexual freedom and enlightenment. I’d always been adventurous, but my tastes were evolving. I traveled this winding and treacherous road at full speed. The experience was exhilarating and terrifying. I could have taken a turn onto a safer road, or I could have slowed my speed.  Instead, I went faster. There was a deep, insatiable need to go further into the abyss.

And the sadist was happy to take me there. Into the darkness.

We spoke everyday after our first encounter. Sometimes we would talk for hours. Other days we would have brief chats. We were becoming close. I began to understand more about him and he learned more and more about me. He was in my head. I longed to see him again.  We made plans a couple of times, but life got in the way.

One Sunday morning I received a text, “Come to me. Today.”

I was surprised. I replied, “Where?”

“I will send you the info as soon as I check into the hotel.  I will see you around 4:00.  It will be close to where you are.  Make arrangements to stay over, if possible.”

That was a challenge.  With three kids, almost impossible.

I sent a response, “I will do my best to stay as long as I can. I am excited to see you…and a little scared.”

His response, “Don’t be scared. Same rules apply as last time with safewords. Text me when you have made arrangements.”

I called my babysitter and came up with a reason to be gone for several hours.  I knew an overnight was out of the question.  She agreed to come over at 3:00. I texted to let him know. I finished up everything I needed to do for the week (my typical Sunday routine) and readied myself for another session with the sadist.

At 3:30 I received a text, “Room 432, Marriott.  Be here by 4:15”

I felt nervous and yet relaxed as I drove to meet him.  I didn’t know what to expect from our second session, but I didn’t feel any real trepidation about meeting him again. I pulled into the parking garage and made my way up to his room.  I was wearing a black and white, body-hugging dress and strappy wedge sandals.  My skin was tan from a recent visit to the beach and I’d just had my hair highlighted. I’d straightened it, to change things up. I approached the room and as I knocked, he opened the door and snatched me into the room.

He stood behind me, pressing my face into the wall. His voice was strong and assertive, “I said, 4:15, slut.  It’s 4:17.  Turn around and face me.”

I peeled my face from the wall and faced him.  He looked agitated. I felt a sense of panic.  My voice was wobbly as I began to apologize, “I am sor..”

And before I could say the last syllable, I felt the sting of his open hand on my cheek.  I was shocked. I’d never been slapped in the face. And before I could mutter another word, he slapped my face again. Tears began streaming down my face as I tried to regain my composure.  My mind raced and I wanted to say my safeword, but I felt paralyzed by fear.

“Your tears are what I want. It’s so fucking sexy. Cry for me. Cry more for me.”

I was shaking in my skin, as I didn’t know what would come next.  I finally managed to verbalize a sentence and said, “I put no hitting in the face on my questionnaire. Why did you hit me like that?”

And holding my tear-stained face he looked into my eyes and grinned at me.  “You are so beautiful when you let yourself go. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable.”

I didn’t care what he thought because he violated my limits. “But I said not to hit me in the face. Please don’t do that again.”

He just smiled at me as he led me to the bed.  I questioned whether or not to go any further. I was so shaken by what had just happened that I did feel the trust I’d felt during our first meeting.  He could sense that I was on the brink of leaving.

“I know I should not have done that, and I sincerely apologize, Tess.  Your tears arouse me and I became too excited when I saw you.  I didn’t want to wait for you to give them to me. I wanted them now. Please forgive me.”

It seemed like a sincere apology so I reluctantly decided to stay.  He slowly undressed me, taking his time as he purposefully peeled off every piece of my clothing. He pulled my hair back as he removed my earrings and necklace. “I have some other ‘jewelry’ to put on you, Beautiful”  I stood naked in front of him and as he placed silver nipple clamps on my nipples. There was an adorned chain that connected them, and he gave it a tug to make sure it was secure.  He had me lie down on the bed placing the cuffs on my wrists, looping red silk rope through to tie my wrists to my ankles. “Open your legs wide and bend your knees up, so I can secure your ankle to your wrist.” The silk rope was soft on my skin and I was bound, open and exposed.  He tugged on the chain as he massaged my clit with the violet wand and again, I was not allowed to orgasm.  I held on for as long as I could and then begged for release.  He finally allowed me to cum.

He blindfolded me and I heard him rummaging through his bag for something.  Not being able to see what was coming added to the excitement.  Soon, I felt the sting of the flogger across my stomach as struck me and then tugged on the clamps. I was helpless and under his control when I heard a faint knock at the door. I panicked, “Who is that at the door? Cover me up please.”

I heard him snicker as he said, “There’s no need to cover you.  The fun is just getting started.”

I heard the door open and could tell someone had walked into the room.  Still blindfolded, I could not make out who it was.  Was it a man? A woman? Why were they here? I was naked, bound, blindfolded and helpless.  I didn’t hear any voices, but I heard what sounded like a wrapper being opened.

“Hurry up and get the condom on.  Fuck the hell out of her.  She wants it rough. She will love your big cock”

I felt every part of my being, freeze.  I was paralyzed with terror. What was happening?  I struggled to find my voice…to scream my safeword…and I couldn’t say anything.  I just lay there, motionless as I felt him push himself inside me.  I then felt someone sit on the bed beside me as I was being taken. I recognized the cologne, it was the sadist. “On the questionnaire, you expressed a real interest in being fucked by a stranger, didn’t you?” his voice was deep and breathy.  “Answer me, now.”

My mind raced as I began doing a mental review of all of my answers.  And it was true. I did have a stranger fantasy.  I managed to find my words, “Yes. I did.”

He moved in closer, hissing in my ear. “Indeed, you did. How does it feel to be fucked by a stranger, Tess? Is it what you wanted? Do you feel scared? Does it feel perverse? How does his cock feel? Talk to me.”

And with that, the terror of the situation began to dissolve.  It was true…I wanted to be taken by a stranger.  I wanted to feel fear.  “Please remove the blindfold and I will tell you everything.”

He pulled the blindfold away and I laid eyes on the man fucking me.  He was younger than I, in his late 20’s.  By his haircut and physique, he seemed military.  We stared into each others eyes as he sank into my wetness.  The sadist was growing impatient, “Talk. I want to know what you are thinking.”

My voice was sultry as I moaned with pleasure. “He feels good.  His cock fills me and I love that I don’t even know his name.  I am tied and helpless and he keeps fucking me as you watch us.”

He seemed pleased with my answer as he quipped at the young stranger, “Fuck her harder. I want to hear her scream.”

The stranger quickened his pace as he pushed further into me. I gasped as he pulled my hips into his, going even deeper. I was close to the edge and I felt the sadist’s hand on my throat.  His grip was strong and I felt myself fading…almost losing consciousness as he released his hold on me and pulled on the nipple clamps.  I moaned from the pain and he pulled again, and again.  The stranger was aroused by my sounds and in a matter of minutes we both exploded.

“You fucked her well.  Now get dressed and leave.” the sadist’s tone was direct.  The young man quickly dressed and walked out.  The sadist turned to me, “How are you, Tess?”

“I’m okay. I have finally calmed down a little, but that was beyond terrifying. Who was he?” I asked.

The sadist smiled and said, “He is someone who owes me a favor.  He is one of my students, in the physician’s assistant program. I knew you’d enjoy him.”

That was a relief. He wasn’t a total stranger and everything was safe. I said, “I did enjoy him, but my legs and wrists are beginning to hurt. Could you please loosen the ropes?” I knew it was a risk, asking him to untie me, but I was really sore. And if he didn’t, I was at the point of saying my safeword.

“Sure. I will loosen them.  In fact, I will take them off.  And then I am going to have my way with you, slut.” He untied me and had me roll over onto my stomach.  From under his pillow he retrieved that huge dildo he’d used on me the first time. “Remember this?” he grinned.

I tensed up as I didn’t know if I could withstand that in addition to what I’d just experienced.  “Yes. How could I forget?” I answered.

“I want to make sure you don’t forget. Open your legs.” I noticed that he had not used any lube, like he did before. I braced myself for the pain.  Instead of putting it in my ass, he pushed into my sore cunt. Pushing it all in with one stroke.  I screamed from the pain and the pleasure.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” he growled as he began to finger my ass.  “I am going to fuck your ass with my cock this time and you will take it until I tell you otherwise.  Got it? Both of your holes will be filled until you can’t take any more.  Don’t beg me to stop because I know how badly you want this.”

He was right. I wanted it all.  I wanted the pain. The torture.  The pleasure.  I wanted him to take it all from me.  The feeling was so intense that I cannot recall when or how we finished.  I think I may have passed out for a minute.  When I came to my senses again, my entire body was shaking and began to weep. It was too much to keep bottled up. I let it go again. Everything. I let it all go.

He held me in a warm embrace until I stopped shaking and came back to my center. I will never understand how an acutely intense sexual experience can purge so much from a person.  After I settled down, I felt energized and free.  I began to recognize that I released emotional pain when I experienced physical pain.  It was beautiful and powerful.

I didn’t linger there, as I needed to get home.  My mind was racing with questions, but I no longer felt confused by my feelings. Once again, I recognized who I was. Walking out of that room, I decided it was the last time I would ever see him. He served his purpose by helping me remove the mask.

And I have never looked back.

walking-away

(Photo credit, Pinterest)

 

 

The “M” Word

I awoke to the sound of a loud knock at the door. Room service. He had ordered enough food for five people and for a moment, I wondered if he planned to return.  But I knew he wouldn’t.  He was giving me space to process.

After what I’d experienced the night before, I should have been starving, almost ravenous.  But I wasn’t that hungry.  I felt sated…in a strange sort of way.  I noshed for a bit on the plates before me and then I ventured into the bathroom for a shower.

I stood there and looked in the mirror and outwardly, I didn’t really look any different. I felt different. I felt more aware. I was beginning to notice an outline of a small bruise on my neck when I noticed something on the counter by the sink. He had left me a note: “You will need to use ointment where you were punctured. After you shower, wipe down the areas with alcohol and use this Neosporin.  Do it for today and all will be well by tomorrow.”

He’d left me some alcohol wipes and packets of Neosporin.  I’d not even looked at my feet.  I sat on the side of the tub and examined them closely.  There were tiny scabs where the needles had been, but didn’t hurt when I touched them.  I got into the shower and began reflecting on the evening.  As I washed my body I was reminded of all that we did.  We were together for 8 hours.

Looking back, I reflected on some of the other things we did that I didn’t share in the other post.  He seemed to understand my need for fear, my need to feel vulnerable.  Prior to moving to the bedroom, he’d outlined my form with a large hunting knife.  He never broke the skin, but I could feel the point of the knife moving across my body…the cold steel again my warm flesh.  I know this sounds strange to many people, but I loved the feel.  It is not that I wanted to be cut, or hurt.  I liked the sensation of being that vulnerable. I liked that we were doing something taboo and dangerous.  I felt a level of arousal I’d never felt before.

I was lost in thought as shampoo began running in my eyes, snapping me back to reality.  I finished up my shower and got dressed.  Putting on my clothes, I remembered how his hands felt, how his body felt, how his breath felt in my ear, coaxing me, taunting me, reassuring me.  I put my hand on my neck and I was reminded of the moments he held me by the throat and how I loved that feeling. Had I always been this way?  Had this need for darkness been lying dormant in the recesses of my obsidian soul?

On the drive home I received a text from him, “Don’t forget. Text me when you get home. Be safe.” I didn’t know what to respond, or how to respond, or if I wanted to respond.  I drove in silence. No radio. No distraction other than the flood of thoughts vying for attention in my head.  When I pulled in to the garage, I instinctively texted him. “I am home.”

His reply, “Good.  I want you to send me an email of your thoughts about what we experienced.  You have until midnight to get it to me.  Be transparent. ”

I was a bit put off by this request, but I decided to do it.  Maybe writing it out will give me more perspective.  So I wrote him a missive from my vantage point and sent it to him.  He responded with his thoughts and a question, “when can I see you again?”

I didn’t answer.  I went to bed that night, sore and pensive.  I liked how I felt, but I was conflicted…it’s not “normal” to like pain.  It’s not “normal” to play with knives and needles.  It’s not “normal” to feel this way.  So I got up and emailed him.

“I don’t know when. I don’t even know if. I am trying to figure out who I am in all of this.”

And I went to sleep. Early in the morning I heard my phone ding.  I’d received an email…from him.

“You now know exactly who you are.  For once in your life, you know yourself.”  Initially I didn’t see it, but it was a new email, not a response.

The subject line consisted of one word, “Masochist

I’d been revealed.  He saw beneath the mask.  He knew who  I was.

And so did I.

the-mask

 

Fist Full of Dollars, Mouth Full of…

Warning…

I am going to live up to my title…

This is going to be quite tawdry.

During our time together, I helped Viktor embrace his inner Dom.  It wasn’t difficult to coax it out of him.  It was in there and he was very attuned to his natural traits.  He demanded respect.  He was disciplined.  In control of himself and his emotions.  And he possessed a charm that made you want to do exactly what he wanted you to do.  During a few of our trysts together, I had the pleasure of experiencing his hand on my backside, of being dominated and taken by him.

As time moved on, Viktor and I morphed into this incredible friendship where we could be completely transparent with each other.  I found myself in a D/s (actually M/s) relationship (and it’s still going strong) and he found himself searching for a submissive. As fate would have it, he found a young woman in her early 30’s looking for a Dominant.  It seemed a good match.  She was willing to learn and eager to please him in every way.  And he was a patient Dominant, willing to train her to his liking.  Her name was Nadia and life was going well for them.

Although obedient, Nadia had a very bratty side.  She wanted to please Viktor, but often put her own needs first.  She would follow his commands, as it suited her, but often did things her way.  He was very patient with her.  He held her on a long leash, but when he had enough, he yanked it back with incredible force.  And there was always punishment.

Viktor’s punishments were unique and relevant.  He would typically ensure the punishment fit the crime, teaching a lesson.  If Nadia was late, she would be lashed for each minute.  He soon realized she enjoyed the lashing, so he would completely ignore her for each minute she was late.  She hated it and found herself more punctual to avoid it.  Nadia had a very smart mouth and would often speak out of turn.  Viktor turned a blind eye to this behavior, because it was a facet of her personality that he enjoyed.  However, she often towed the line between acceptable and rude.

One Saturday afternoon they prepared to go to Sak’s on a shopping trip.  Viktor’s mother’s birthday was quickly approaching and he wanted to find her something nice. He invited Nadia to join him, as she could provide a second opinion.  She was thrilled to help, but her bratty side bubbled out and she said, “If I go, what do I get?  If I am helping you, I should get something pretty.”  At first, her demands didn’t phase him.  He was so focused on his mother’s gift, that he paid little mind to her antics.  They were supposed to leave at 1:00, go to Saks and have lunch, which would have put them back home around 4:00.  Viktor had a video conference with some clients in Europe at 5:00 and he wanted to get this finished early in the day to make time for the meeting.  Nadia was fully aware of his timeline.  And to be a brat, she decided to run back in the house for something as they were leaving.  Viktor waited patiently for the first five minutes, but then, he became angry.

She climbed into the car around 1:15.  And as she got in the car, she gave him a bratty little smile.  He knew she had done this intentionally.  He knew that she was acting out because she wanted the guarantee of “something pretty” from their excursion.  And as he rounded the corner out of his driveway, he reached down between his legs, unzipped his pants and looked at her.

“Since you are clearly misbehaving, I will need you to suck my cock for the entire drive.  But you are not allowed to make me cum until I say so.  Do you understand me, Nadia?”

Once again, she smiled a bratty smile and said, “Yes, Sir.  I can’t wait!”

She leaned over and began her task of pleasuring him as he drove to their destination.  She loved this punishment.  She loved the feel of his cock in her mouth.  She loved pleasuring him on the open road.  It made her feel like such a naughty girl.  She was lost in her place, when Viktor said, “I am glad to see you are enjoying this.  Maybe if you are a good girl, I will get you something pretty.  But you have to complete the task.”

She came up for air and said, “Oh I will complete the task, Sir.  No worries there.”

Viktor just grinned to himself.  She had no idea what was in store for her.

They arrived at Saks around 1:40.  Nadia’s face was still buried between his legs as he parked the car.  She continued for a few minutes and asked if it was time yet?  Viktor was beyond ready to unload, but had waited for this precise minute.

Pulling her up by her sweaty hair, he turned her face to his.

“Bratty slut.  Your mouth and lack of respect have earned you an applicable punishment.  I hope you learn from this.  I am about cum in your mouth.  You are not allowed to swallow.  You must walk around the store with me, with my load in your mouth, until I tell you to swallow.  If you can do this, I will buy you something.  If not, I guess you will learn to be more careful of when you open your mouth.”

Her face showed it all.  That’s quite a task for anyone.  Our natural instinct is to swallow what’s in our mouth…and she was not allowed to.  And she had to keep composure,as they were at a nice store, and she had cum in her mouth.

She lowered her head and began to suck him once again.  He was so turned on by this time, that he was ready to explode in her mouth.  Which he did.  And she held it there as the walked into the store.  She couldn’t even talk, because she would have to swallow.  And Viktor made it clear, she was not to spill any.

They found a lovely gift for his mother about 15 minutes into their visit.  Then Viktor decided to up the stakes.  “If you can hold me in your mouth for another 15 minutes, I will buy you a bracelet.  But you must not swallow.”  She nodded.

As they perused the store, he would walk up behind her and whisper in her ear, “You naughty little slut.  You like how I filled your mouth.  You like how it feels to be my cum slut don’t you.  You wanna feel it slide down your throat, so you can relive the moment don’t you, slut?  I own you.  You are mine.  Be a good girl.  Don’t swallow”

That talk made it excruciating for her continue on with her task.  She was so turned on my his words, that she swallowed by accident. She looked at him in shock, as he had watched her do it.  His eyes met hers and they just stared at each other.  It was affirmation of their   power exchange.  She knew her place.  He knew his place.  They knew who they were together.

And with that realization, he stroked her cheek, kissed her forehead and took her by the hand, leading her to the jewelry department.  “You won’t get anything today, but let’s look.  I know you will do better next time.”  She closed her eyes and smiled, knowing he was a man of his word.  She would do better and he would reward her.

That Viktor is quite a man.

lips

Photo credit, Pinterest