Internal Affairs

Across the Universe

making love

Jake was my biggest temptation.  Seeing him again was risky, but worth it to me.  We planned to meet on a Friday afternoon after lunch. Wednesday he texted me and asked if we could talk.  I worried that he needed to reschedule.  I wondered if he was having second thoughts about going further.  Reluctantly, I called him.

“How are you?” he asked.

“I am well.  Looking forward to Friday.  How about you?” I said.

He paused, “I cannot wait to see you.  But I need you to do something for me.” His tone was almost playful.

“Sure.  What do you need?” I was expecting him to ask me to dress up in another cosplay ensemble, maybe a naughty nurse?

“I need to get inside your head.  We’ve experimented and explored so many things.  Our passion is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.  But I want to go further.  I want know your deepest, darkest fantasy.  The one you won’t tell anyone about.”

I was speechless.  I didn’t see this conversation coming.  I didn’t know what to say.  Before I could fumble a response he said, “Let me give you something you’ve always desired.  Tell me.  There is no judgment.  There is no shame.  Tell me what you want”

And hearing his voice.  Knowing how I felt for him.  Knowing that we were connected on a metaphysical level neither of us understood.  Knowing how deeply I trusted him, allowed me to finally verbalize my deepest, darkest fantasy.  It’s one I’d attempted to share with others, but never truly felt comfortable revealing with anyone.

“I have a rape fantasy.  Some call it consensual non-consent.  I want you to take me in a manner that almost makes you uncomfortable…fucking me as you please…making me do whatever it is that you want.  Not listening to my pleas…disregarding my protests.  I want to be consumed by you.”

He confessed that he suspected as much.  We had been edging towards intense BDSM play and he could sense that need in me.  “We need a safe word, for both of us.  If we become uneasy at any time, either of us can say it.”

Jake and I always discussed safe words, so this was not new.  But this time, he also gave himself the option of a safe word, in case it was beyond his own boundaries.  That was completely different.  This was not a typical scene.  This was not our lighthearted role play.  This was going to be unlike anything we’d experienced together.

Friday arrived and I was a nervous wreck.  I didn’t know what to expect. He texted me at noon and gave me his room number.  He was working until 1:30, so we made arrangements to meet at 2:00.  I arrived at his hotel right at 2:00.  Just as I pulled in, he texted me, “I am stuck at work, in the middle of a security drill.  Should be there in 20 minutes.  Get a key from the front desk.  I’ve called them and told them you are coming.  So sorry.  I will be there as soon as I can. Remember, red is the safe word”

I felt a sigh of relief.  Even though I’d asked him for this fantasy, I was scared.  Aroused, but frightened.  At least, I would have a chance to mentally prepare for our time together before he got there.  I retrieved the key from the desk and went to room 204.

I opened the door and walked inside.  The curtains were drawn making it dark. The beds were freshly made and I saw his open suitcase on the luggage rack. Even though he had to be at work at 4:30 am, he still took the time to neatly fold his clothes.  He was a meticulous creature of habit.  I put my purse down on the table, kicked off my heels and laid down on the bed, taking a quick respite before his arrival.  The pillow smelled like him.  I pushed my face deeper in the pillow, taking it all in, when I felt a hand on the back of my head holding my face down.

He had been hiding in the room the entire time.  My heart raced and I felt a sense of panic. (And I confess to you..I loved it!)

Holding me face down in the pillow he yanked my pants off, destroying the zipper.  He never said a word.  He reached up and ripped my lacy blue panties off, in one motion.  I felt his bare skin on mine as his hard cock grazed my leg.  He grabbed a handful of hair, pulling my face out of the pillow and completely pulling me off the bed.  I lost my balance and scurried to stand.  Still holding onto my hair, he pushed me down to my knees and forced his immensely large cock down my throat.  I wasn’t prepared and it caused me to gag.  He pushed ever deeper.  For a moment, I couldn’t breathe and my eyes watered as he brutally fucked my throat.

When he had his fill, he pulled me to my feet and pushed me down, face first, onto the bed. Quickly spreading my legs with his, he filled my hole with his cock.  He stuffed himself inside as far as he could.  Holding me by my ass, he fingers penetrated my flesh as he rammed my cunt violently.  I was beyond aroused by how forcefully he took me.

“You like this, don’t you slut?  Answer me or I will make it hurt.”  I quickly answered yes and he pulled himself out of me.  He rolled me over to my back and forced my knees up to my shoulders.  He held me wide open as he began fucking me again.  I was slick with desire, loving this torment. His thrusts penetrated every inch of my chamber, hitting the end every time.  Without word or hesitation, Jake pulled his large cock out of my ravaged cunt and forced it into my ass.  He assaulted my tight hole over and over, taking it without permission or remorse.  I gasped in pain, which seemed to fuel his desire.

“Take that cock. Take it all. Take it all, slut.” he growled as he pummeled me.  I could tell he enjoyed seeing his large cock fuck my ass.  I was completely vulnerable as he had his wicked way with me.  He slid three fingers inside my swollen lips, finger fucking me as he took my ass.  I groaned with pleasure and soon he filled me with his load.  He collapsed on top of me and we both lay there, silent.  I didn’t know what to say and it hurt to move.  After a few minutes, he got up, took me by the hand and led me to the shower.

“Was that what you wanted, baby?  Are you okay?” he asked.  His brooding eyes showed deep concern as he softly stroked my face.  I nodded, speechless from what we’d just done.

He stepped into the shower and guided me in.  He lathered and washed every part of my body.  When I attempted to reciprocate, he stopped me, “this is your time” he whispered.  He carefully washed and rinsed my hair.  He then helped me out of the shower and wrapped me up in his robe.

I nuzzled myself into the shape of his form as we took a short nap.  I awoke to him massaging my sweet spot, demanding my orgasm.  We made love for the remainder of our time together, losing ourselves in each movement.  There were few words spoken between us, as they were unnecessary.  Our communication was on a spiritual level.  We bore our souls that day, sharing one of the most acutely intense experiences I’ve ever encountered.

The evening rapidly arrived and it was time for me to leave.  That was the last time I saw Jake.  We spoke a few times after that day.  We even made plans to get together again, but schedules got in the way.  I went with a new phone company that required I change my number.  I toiled with texting him to give him my new number.  In the end, I decided not to, and I didn’t keep his contact information.  And I’ve struggled with that decision.  If the Universe feels we should reconnect, it will find a way to happen.  It always does.

The last text I received from him before I changed my number, was a link to a song with this message “When I miss you, I listen to this.  Do the same for me.”

He was born to love me.  I was raised to be his fool.  

 

Dirty Work

Most people have a weakness.  For some, it’s decadent food.  For others, it’s a vintage Scotch or designer shoes.  And for some it’s sex.  Sex is a weakness for many of us hedonists out there.  I am not ashamed to admit that it’s a weakness for me.  I will confess to you that I have another weakness.  His name is Jake.

joaquin

Jake was a career military man that I met online about 2 years ago.  He was a handsome, articulate, strapping young gent, who made me weak in the knees.  To me, he could have been Joaquin Phoenix’s twin.  About 11 years my junior, Jake was an accomplished world-traveler who knew what he wanted.  At that time, he wanted me.

We connected on every level.  The sex was earth-shattering carnal pleasure.  He knew how to coax out the wanton whore that lied beneath my proper demeanor.  We were both kinky as hell and he particularly enjoyed role play.  He would send me a text of what he wanted me to wear on the evenings we saw each other.  “Tonight, you will be the disobedient school girl.  I will be there in 30 minutes.  Once I am there, you will need to report to the Principal’s office for your punishment.”  I would go ALL OUT.  That evening I recall wearing a white blouse unbuttoned to show my plaid bra, a super short black skirt, white knee socks and heels, no panties.  To complete the ensemble, I wore pigtails and chewed pink bubblegum.  DAMN…that was a fun night.  Trust me, I got my homework done and all of my assignments turned in.  Another time, I was to be the meticulous librarian.  There was the maid.  Then there was the business executive.  We did it all.  EVERYTHING.  And a couple of months into our sexy marathons, he moved with the military.  But on occasion, I will hear from him.

Last September, I thought of him…he was on my mind for days.  We hadn’t spoken since that May, but I longed to see him again.  To feel how he filled me and fulfilled me.  And out of nowhere, I received a text.  IT WAS HIM!!!!  We always felt we were mentally connected.  I guess I called him up telepathically and he answered.

His text, “I need to see you again.”

My reply, “Name the time and place.”

He replied, “I will be in town for a training next week.  Can you get away for a few hours?”

I replied, “YES.  I will make time.”

So the next week arrived.  I was giddy with excitement over seeing him again.  His schedule was pretty tight, but he had time early in the morning.  So I came up with a backstory to cover my tracks at home and left that morning before dawn.  (Let’s pause for a moment…anyone who can get me out of the bed that early has to be one hell of a man).  It was still dark outside and my heart raced as I drove to his hotel.  I was so nervous.  It had been almost a year since we’d seen each other.  Our last time together had been explosively hot.  I worried that I had built up my expectations so high from our last scene, that I would feel disappointed by anything less.

I arrived at the hotel and knocked on his door.  He answered in nothing but his underwear and any concerns that I had about being disappointed were laid to rest as he closed the door.  He looked great.  He was such a handsome man with a chiseled face and toned body.  I loved his dark, brooding eyes and the small dimple in his chin.  He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.  I could smell his skin as I felt the warmth of his body.  He kissed my forehead and said, “God, I have missed you.”

I looked up at him and said, “I have missed you too.”

No sooner did the last syllable leave my lips, that his lips were on mine.  From there, it was pure passion.  In a matter of nanoseconds my clothes lay in a heap on the floor.  He sat on the bed and pulled me towards him.  “Lay across my lap and tell me all of your sins.” (Like me, Jake is a music lover.  His choice for the morning’s tête-à-tête was Steely Dan’s greatest hits.  At that moment, “Dirty Work” was appropriately playing in the background.  The song always takes me back to that scene)

I did as he asked.  We often started our time together like this.  I would lay across his lap and would caress my back and backside as we talked about our lives. After a few minutes, he had me move from his lap to lie face down on the bed.  He continued on with his massage.  Towards the end, he pushed my legs apart with his knee and began to rub my sweet spot.

“I can’t wait to hear you cum for me.  I have missed that sound so much  I want you to do it. Will you cum for me?”

I didn’t have an opportunity to verbalize an answer.  Pleasure washed over me like high tide at the beach.  I moaned with delight as he turned me over to face him.  He made me cum again.  “Look me in the eyes when you’re getting close.  I want to see your eyes when you orgasm.”

It was a matter of seconds before he brought me there again.  We stared at each other as I came unglued.  His eyes were watchful and curious.  “You are so beautiful. I love watching the ecstasy on your face.”

We were tangled together in various contortions for hours.  I loved pleasuring him.  Taking him deep down my throat while I stared into his eyes.  Such connection.  When we rested, we would lay there naked, facing each other as we talked.  He would tell me about a Ted Talk he’d watched and how it impacted his way of thinking.  I would tell him about patients I’d cared for during their last minutes.  We would talk about our goals and dreams.  We talked about everything.  Then we would fuck some more.

Before I knew it, it was time for us to part.  I felt such sadness leaving him.  I felt such joy for having the time we did.  We vowed not to stay away as long next time.  And we didn’t.  He texted me with some dates in October and I made arrangements to see him.  I will share more details about that rendezvous in another post.  It is quite a story.

As today, the last day of August, draws to a close, I find myself thinking of him.  We started our relationship in September 2014 and something about this time of year makes me think of Jake.  I wonder if I can lure him in with my thoughts again, or have we completely phased out?  I wonder how he is doing.  Part of me wants to see him again.  The other part of me is content with what we had for the time we had it.  But still, I wonder.  Only time will tell if we will reconnect.

Just in case, my schoolgirl outfit is pressed and ready for any upcoming assignments.  

schoolgirl

(Photo credits, Pinterest)

The Tower

My former lover, Lee, contacted me a few days ago.  We stay in contact, although we’ve managed to morph into a strictly platonic friendship.  We have been close since we were kids.  It’s a complex relationship.  He was with me at the hospital the day my mother died and he was there with me, a few months ago, when my father died.  We’ve been together in many forms over the years.  I’ve often wondered what would happen if we just tried going all in…you know, as a committed, monogamous couple.

And I realize that it would never work for us.  When we are lovers, it’s the thrill of being caught that fuels our fire.  If neither of us are already in a relationship, the intrigue isn’t there.  But put us together when we are not supposed to be…and you have a towering inferno of heat.  Which brings me to my saucy little story….

Lee messaged me late Thursday afternoon, “I was just at the tower.  Made me think of you.”  I was surprised by the message and said, “Oh yeah?  Which one?”

He responded, “At Exit 11”

Immediately, I was transformed by the mention of that location.  After the “Very Close Call” we had at my house, we opted to meet in neutral locations.  Lee works in the communications industry and would occasionally have to go to a radio tower site to ensure everything was running properly.  He had this wicked idea for us to meet there for a tryst.  And we frequented several around town.

If you’ve ever visited a radio tower, you know that it’s a spartan building with lots of controls and wires.  The floor is usually concrete.  Lee would have to open a padlocked gate and then a padlocked door for us to gain entry.  But it was secluded and it was just what we needed for an afternoon delight.  As long as there was a wall for me to brace myself against, Lee would navigate the rest.

We began a routine of meeting for a quick lunch and then taking a ride to a tower site.  Sometimes our appetites were so ravenous that we would meet two or three times a week.  I loved fucking Lee.  It was always more than sex with him.  We have a deep connection that makes our physical chemistry even hotter.  I loved how he bent me over while I held onto the ledge on the wall.  He would hit every perfect angle as he slammed himself into me.  I could never get enough of him.

One afternoon was particularly steamy.  We were at the tower site off of Exit 11.  We had both already gotten ours once, but we were not sated.  I wanted more of him.  He wanted more of me.  He propped my leg on a control board as he pushed himself inside me.  He rubbed my clit as he slowly and deeply sank into my hole.  It was all I could do to keep my balance.  The pleasure so much that I couldn’t contain it.  I moaned and screamed with each movement. He was turned on by my display and his rhythm became more powerful and intense.  He kept making me come over and over and eventually we collapsed together in a heap on the floor.  He was still inside me and I rode his cock, my bare knees against the concrete floor.  I didn’t care.  I was possessed with lust.

Just after he unloaded inside me, I saw the door begin to open, as the sunlight forced its way into the dark corner of the room.  “Lee?  Are you still here?” a voice called.

And I thought…can we catch a freaking break? How many times have we been walked in on, in our 25 years together?  One of his co-workers had arrived to check a setting on one of the control boards.  Ironically the one I’d been propped up on.  I quickly composed myself and Lee immediately went into work mode.  He introduced me as the IT/Communications Director of a local hospital, who was curious to see how things worked on this end of the business.

His co-worker, Ray, took one look at my sweaty appearance and knew exactly what side of the “business” I was working.  He shook Lee’s hand, nodded at me and made his way out of the building.  We got ourselves together and smiled.  The same smile we’ve shared on so many occasions before.  The “we got away with it again” smile.

Lee and I walked outside and he secured the padlock on the building.  He grinned and said, “What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?”

I smiled back at him and coyly said, “You”

tower

(Photo credit, Pinterest)

The Man

 

wine

Summer 2014.

Earlier that year, I left the loveless relationship I’d been in for 10 years and moved on.  I loved the single life.  I enjoyed not having to “answer” to anyone about my whereabouts.  I liked having a bowl of cereal for dinner.  I liked my freedom, but I still craved connection.  I wanted a casual partnership, nothing too serious.  I wanted hot, unbelievable sex, when I wanted it.  So I joined a couple of online dating sites and suddenly found my dance card full.  It was quite a ride.

There was the ultra religious man who should have never ventured off of Christian Mingle to the other racier dating sites.  I was too fast for his blood, but we had a good time.  There was a psychiatrist with the social skills of an awkward tween.  There was a retired philosophy professor, old enough to be my grandfather, that made me cum more than anyone had in months.  There were a host of others.  Some of them noteworthy..many of them not.

And then there was Viktor.

He was fifteen years my junior.  Very tall.  Very handsome.  And very worldly despite his age.  He was of Serbian descent.  His family moved to the US prior to the turmoil of the nineties.  He was raised here, but had this European swagger.  He carried himself in a way that demanded respect and attention, yet he was kind and considerate.  He could blend in with a well-traveled CEO or dish with a seven year old about Star Wars.  His range was impressive.  I was fascinated with him.  He had more depth than the average fish in the sea.  He was different.

After talking for a couple of days, I invited him over.  I had a child-free weekend and I was curious to meet him in person.  Being the gentleman he was, he brought over a bottle of chilled Etienne Sauzet Chardonnay that was exquisite.  A man who brings that kind of wine on the inaugural meeting had some serious game and I found myself a bit nervous.  I noticed his impressive watch, as he opened the bottle in my kitchen.  To make small talk, I asked him about it.

“That’s a lovely watch you’re wearing.  I’ve not seen that style before.”  I nervously muttered.

He grinned as he poured me a glass.  “It’s not very common, especially around here.  It’s an Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Offshore.  I just got it as a gift to myself for getting into Harvard Business School.”

At this point, I thought…okay.  Here comes the bullshit.  He’s a con artist.  I mean who rattles off a five word brand for a wristwatch.  And who in the hell casually comments about getting into Harvard Business School.

But this was no bullshit. He was the real deal.

As we made our way to my leather sofa, he told me about his educational quest for an Ivy League graduate degree.  He had been accepted at several of the major business schools in the country (Dartmouth, Columbia, Yale…and yes, Harvard) but couldn’t decide where he wanted to go.  I’ll be crude, but the thought of all that made me wet.  Such intelligence.  Such drive and ambition.  He had old world class and I could barely wait to get this guy in bed. He was so refined.  So successful, that I knew he would know how to fuck me silly.

But that night, we simply talked.  We shared stories, experiences and a couple of bottles of wine (the bottles I had on hand were far less than impressive compared to what he brought) and we parted ways in the wee hours of the morning….without me even parting my legs.  DAMMIT.

I later realized that he was testing me.  He was asserting control.  He was so disciplined that he did not allow our evening to go beyond a hot passionate kiss.  He had me where he wanted me and that was…me wanting him badly.  I could barely plan my Fourth of July celebration, I was so distracted with this enigma of a man.  Again…a man fifteen years younger than me.

Early in the afternoon of July 4th, we began exchanging sexual banter via text.  He was always classy, but had a way of writing that only made me want to fuck him more.  I was a dripping mess by the time the evening rolled in.  He sent a text around 10:30 pm.

“What are your wearing?”

I was clever in my response…”Heels and a smile. You should come see for yourself.”

His response…”Oh I plan to. I will arrive in 30 minutes.  I expect to find you in nothing but heels.  And I will ensure you keep that smile.”

My switch was turned on.  I couldn’t wait for him to get there.  But was I really brazen enough to answer the door in nothing but heels?  I toiled over it for about 15 minutes when I realized that I was running out of time.  So I found a lovely, asset-flattering, low cut black dress, donned my highest “fuck me” stilettos and carefully applied my slut red lipstick (Ladies, you know the color…not berry red, not wear-to-the-office red….SLUT red.  There is a difference.)

He arrived precisely 30 minutes from the time of our last text.  I peered out the window as he drove up in his shiny new BMW.  I hadn’t noticed it from before, but even the car was sexy.  He swaggered out of the front seat and tapped on the door.  My God he looked amazing.  Crisply pressed shirt.  Cuffed sleeves.  Khakis that displayed his taut ass.

I opened it slowly to add to the anticipation.  He looked so hot.  His thick dark hair was slightly disheveled, but he was immaculate.  He smelled divine.  Our eyes met as he walked in and closed it behind him, taking me in his arms, kissing me right there…pinning me to my front door.

“I thought I said, heels only.” he growled between his teeth.  “But this dress suits you”  He took my hand and led me to the couch.  Where he proceeded to open the champagne he brought.  He filled our glasses as he proposed a toast.

“To fireworks.”  And he grinned his mischievous smile.

“To fireworks.” I nodded.  And I drank the entire glass, as if it were a ‘last call’ shot back in my college days.

He pulled me over onto his lap.  I straddled him on the couch  He kissed me passionately, but with intention.  Everything he did was with purpose.  He knew just how to drive a woman mad with his lips.  He masterfully removed my bra, without taking off my dress.  He caressed my full breasts through the dress and then artfully pulled them out of my low-cut neckline.  I unbuttoned his shirt.  He embraced me and lifted my dress up as he grabbed my bare ass.  (I decided not to wear panties).  He squeezed my ass and his fingers found their way to my sweet spot.  I felt like I’d cum immediately.  I was so turned on my him.

He plunged his fingers deep into my sex, demanding an orgasm.  There was no turning back.  I came furiously for him as he watched the results of his handiwork.  I slid down from his lap and took his hard cock in my mouth.  I took him deep.  I loved sucking him, but I longed to feel him inside me.

Once again he took me by the hand and led me to a large armless accent chair. He sat down and motioned for me to ride his ample cock.  I began to straddle him when he turned me around to face away from him.  I positioned myself on him as he found my dripping wet hole.  He slid his hard shaft inside my wetness and pulled my hips down firmly.

“How does that feel?” he asked.

“It feels so fucking good.  I want more.” My God….I sounded so needy.

And without words or hesitation, he guided my rhythm.  He fucked me hard.  I came several times before I felt him become more rigid as he poured his seed inside me.  I loved how it felt as he filled me with his hot load.

We both sat there speechless for a bit, when he reached over and poured us some more champagne.  We finally found our voices as we reflected on our amazing scene.  We talked for a long time.  And while we were siting on the floor, he summoned me to him.  I could tell he was ready to fuck again.  He bent me down, face first to the floor as he took me again.  And again.

That was almost two years ago, and I can still remember the touch of his hand…the smell of his skin.  How he felt inside me. Viktor connects with me on a level that few have, or ever will.  We just get each other.  Even though we haven’t been together for quite a while, we stay in close touch.  There is a place that exists between us where we can be our real and flawed selves (although he has no flaws…in my eyes, he is perfect).  We have such depth together.  I get him.  He gets me.  And we are the best of friends…from  a distance.  He lives two states away and that distance is healthy.  I am in a relationship where I am very happy.  Viktor is unattached and adventurous and still has his wild oats to sow…working as a VP for a European bank, showing up in his tailored Anderson-Sheppard suits everyday.  He is living the dream.  I do hope he finds a woman worthy of him.

As for me, I have the memories of our time together that summer.  So I will close this jaunt down memory lane with the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me…courtesy of Viktor.

hair

That is some serious swagger.  I even published his words on Pinterest…

 

 

 

The Very Close Call

Lee was one of my many high school boyfriends…you know, the ones I used as a facade, so that no one would catch on that I was having a very inappropriate, very mature relationship with a man twice my age.

We started seeing each other when I was fourteen and he was fifteen.  It was puppy love (from his perspective) and we were together every day.  His home-life was not the best and I think he enjoyed being around my family as much as he did me.  And don’t get me wrong…we did have our share of escapades.  Although he was older, I out-experienced him, but we learned a lot together.  In fact, with him I learned how to give head upside down, with my head hanging off the bed.  Not bad for a freshman.

We were on-again, off-again all through high school.  In college, we had a steamy affair (neither of us married, but both of us were seeing other people).  By that time, he had gained more experience and the sex was amazing.  I recall one tryst.  HE was living with his older brother.  It was mid-afternoon and his brother was scheduled to work until 7:00, but he came home early.  Lee and I had been at it for hours.  I was a sweaty mess.  My long dark hair was stuck to the sweat on my face.  I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt as I was perched on his cock, grinding my body into his.  We were listening to Whitesnake (yes, it was the early 90’s) and I was consumed with lust.  I noticed his brother walk in.  Our eyes met and I didn’t shy away.  I didn’t stop fucking Lee.  I lifted the sweaty t-shirt from my body and took it off as I maintained eye contact with his brother.  I used the shirt to wipe the sweat from my face and smiled devilishly at his brother, as I threw it in a heap of our clothes on the floor.  Lee then noticed and dismissed him from the room.  We finished soon after and that was the last time we were together until 2005.

We ran into each other at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast.  Both of us were networking our businesses.  We had lunch a few times. The chemistry, the connection was still there.  Our first “reunion” was at a local biking trail.  Lee is an avid cyclist and we rode our bikes to a secluded spot and picked up where we left off 14 years earlier.  We fucked outside, in broad daylight, as if we were the only people around.  I wondered if the other cyclists could hear us, but neither of us cared.

That was just the beginning.

We embarked on a journey of lust and debauchery that lasted an additional 8 years.  We couldn’t get enough of each other.  We went through phases.  We would see each other often and then we would be apart for several months.  It was the ebb and flow of our dynamic.  It worked for us.

One spring day in 2012, we reconnected.  I woke up that morning, hungry for Lee.  No one else would do.   Especially not the man I was married to at the time.  He was consumed with addictions and spent his days gambling and drinking, as he plowed through our life savings.  Our relationship was over, but neither of us had the initiative to start divorce proceedings.  All of that aside…on that day, all I wanted was Lee.

The hubs had two doctor’s appointments back to back.  He worked very hard at being unemployed, so it was rare that he was out of the house for any length of time.  I welcomed the break and knew how I wanted to spend the four hours he would be gone.  With Lee.  I called him and told him the situation.  He cleared his schedule and headed over to my house.

He parked in front of a house a few doors down.  It was for sale on the market and always had different cars out front, so it wouldn’t bring attention from any of the neighbors.  He walked through my front door at 1:00 and immediately afterwards, the doorbell rang.

My heart sank.  OH SHIT!!!!  Who is out there????

I opened the door, and there was a young man standing there from TruGreen (a landscaping service) looking to sell me a lawn maintenance plan.

“Good afternoon, ma’am.  I am Chris from TruGreen.  I was trying to catch up to your husband before he came in, but looks like he got in here before me.  Do you guys have a few minutes to talk about your lawn?”

OH SHIT!!!  My husband?  Oh…he thinks Lee is my husband.  Okay.  I can handle this.  But what if he comes back by and my actual husband answers the door?  So I reacted quickly and said, “Oh no.  That’s not my husband.  He’s a co-worker and we are late for a conference call.  Can you come back another time?”

Chris bought the story and excused himself to return at later time.  Soon afterwards my legs were behind my head as Lee fucked me relentlessly. About an hour into it, we almost lost track of time and finished our afternoon delight in a frenzied state of climax that made me shake all over.

We cleaned up, got dressed, fixed the bed, and as I was walking him to the door, I heard the garage door open.  HUBS WAS HOME!!!! Over two hours early.

Lee went into stealth mode, slipped out the front door and got to his car in record time, just as hubs was coming in from the garage.  Seems the last doctor’s appointment was rescheduled for another time.

We pulled it off.  Barely.

Later that evening, the doorbell rang.  Guess who was back?  Chris.  The eager-beaver salesman from TruGreen.  Hubs and I both arrived at the door at the same time.  Chris was all smiles.

“Hey there again.  Sorry for intruding on your conference call earlier.  Is now a better time?  Is this your husband? he chuckled.

I could have DIED!  I kept my composure and said, “This is my husband! I am glad you came back!  Come in.  Let’s talk about that plan.”

My husband didn’t even catch on.  He was too inebriated to notice anything.  And I felt like I’d dodged yet another bullet.

From that day forward, Lee and opted to see each other in neutral places.

And Chris sold me a great plan.  My lawn was perfect that Spring.

front door

Heroin

I am a drug virgin.  I have never tried anything.  Seriously.  NOTHING.

I have never even tried pot.

Sex is my drug.  It always has been.

And he was my heroin.  

September 2005.

It was almost a year to the day since we’d seen each other.  He was in a nearby state, living his life and I was living mine, in a committed relationship, with a man I later married…and divorced.  Both of us were trying to stay on our prescribed paths.  Both of trying to do what is right.

But doing wrong is far more fun, isn’t it?

He opened the hotel door and the heat pulsating from his form was palpable.  He stood there in his t-shirt and underwear taunting me with his presence.  He ushered me into the room and we just looked at each other.

Time and space were irrelevant.  Intensity.  Attraction.  That’s all that was present in our realm.

My clothes came off in a matter of nanoseconds.  As badly as I wanted him…as much as I wanted to feel him fill my dripping wet cunt…as much as I wanted him and as much as he wanted me, we just continued to stare into each other’s souls.  We kissed.  We felt of our bodies.  I love the feel of his smooth skin.  I love the smell of his neck. I love the bulge of his large and ample cock protruding from his boxer briefs.

As he entered me, it was like the addict…feeling the needle prick her skin.  Penetrating the vein.  Giving sweet release into the “high” as passion mixed with the blood running through my veins.

We fucked like gods.  It was divine.

He rolled me over to mount him.  I held onto the headboard, grinding slowly as I consumed more of his drug.  In a matter of minutes I had an orgasm as I gushed all over his cock.  Before I knew it, I gushed again, soaking him and the bed below. And we continued to rock into our own rhythm.  I found myself becoming intoxicated, almost drunk from passion.  He has this innate sense of how to fuck me.  When to turn me over.  How to position my body for maximum ecstasy.  And quite honestly, when he turns me on my side and puts my leg on his shoulder, that’s when the drug takes over.  I could easily overdose on him.

When he exploded inside me, I could see that he was experiencing our drug.  I could see that he could feel this heroin in his veins too.  We were on a high like a couple of junkies.

By lunchtime, the sheets were soaked and we were a beautiful mess.

We found a dry spot on the bed and engaged in a deeply intellectual chat.  It’s our thing.  We fucked like addicts and talked like Einstein afterwards.  It was our version of afterglow.

There was something this man gave me that I hadn’t experienced at that point in my life.  There was a connection on a deeper level that I didn’t comprehend.  It was on another plane.  I yearned to have him inside my body.  Inside my head.

But our time was limited.

Our relationship was sporadic.

Our chemistry was flammable.

Our passion was consuming and addictive.

And a few days afterwards, I found myself like the heroin addict coming down from her high. Realizing that my reality was without him, without this drug.  Not accessible.

I couldn’t have it.  I couldn’t have him.

And part of me wonders if the high I felt was worth the low that followed.  And in retrospect it was.  To have that level of connection with another life-force was worth the withdrawal that ensued.

Every autumn I think of him and hope he is well in his part of the universe.

addict

A Working Lunch

There are some foreboding sayings that infer that one shouldn’t fool around at work.
“Don’t put your meat where you make your bread” or “Don’t get your honey, where you make your money.”

Personally, I never pay attention to anything that begins with the word “Don’t”….to me that word does nothing more than present a challenge…something for me to rebel against.

Needless to say, I didn’t heed the warning. Not only did I have an affair with a co-worker, I had multiple trysts while traveling for work.

Such a bad girl.  

While working as a healthcare consultant, I met a charming executive director of the facility I was auditing. His name was Kyle. He was a couple of years older than me, in a loveless marriage like myself. And he was incredibly sexy. We had so many different sessions.  He was always ready for a good time and knew how I liked to be handled.

I recall driving back from the southern part of the state when out of the blue…my phone rang.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.

“Driving.” I said

“How close are you to Macon?”

“About 40 minutes” I answered.

“Pull down your panties and rub your clit.”

“What?”

“Do it.  I want you hungry for me.  Meet me at the Applebee’s.  I am at the bar.”

I couldn’t get there fast enough.  I did as he told me…I found that I loved masturbating while driving.  I came quickly despite the traffic around me.  And before I knew it, Applebees was on the horizon.

He was sitting at the bar and hadn’t noticed me come in.  I walked up behind him and said, “Is this seat taken?”

He turned and smirked at me, “It is now.”

Before I knew it, we had already downed a couple of drinks.  Not being accustomed to drinking in the MIDDLE OF A WORKDAY, I felt a little tipsy.  I got up to excuse myself to the bathroom, when he whispered, “stay in there and wait for me.”

WHAT????  In the bathroom?

I walked into the bathroom and it was empty.  Whew.  I did what I needed to do and moved to the last stall.  It was a little bigger than the other one.  I heard the main door open.  My heart stopped, waiting for him to come into the stall.  But it wasn’t him.  Someone went into the stall next to mine.

Then I heard the door open again.

It was him.  OH SHIT…there’s someone else in here, and he’s here.  IN THE WOMEN’S BATHROOM!!!

He quietly walked into my stall and neither of us said anything.  I was so nervous.  I’d had sex in a public place before, but it was an abandoned public place…and I was 17 years old then…not a professional having an affair with a co-worker.

We waited for the other person to leave and he began seducing  me right there in the stall.  He sat me down on the toilet, facing his cock and I sucked him hard.  He took my panties off and hiked up my skirt.  He sat on the seat and I straddled him.  I held onto the rails on each side of the stall and lowered my wet pussy on his rock hard dick.  It was so steamy and hot.  I moaned as he pushed me down harder.  He held onto my ass and spread me open to get deeper. We would quiet ourselves as women came in and out.  But we never stopped…he stayed inside me the entire time.  We fucked for what seemed like hours and came together.

By the time we emerged from the confines of the stall, we were both drenched in sweat.  My hair was wet and stuck to my face.  He was a disheveled mess.  And then we walked out of the bathroom.

Together.

As we opened the door, we noticed that there was a waitstaff meeting going on right in front of us at the bar.  I felt my face flush with embarrassment.  I could tell by the way they looked at us, that they knew.

But there was no shame in our game.  We sat back down in our seats and ordered another round of drinks at the bar.

That’s how you do it.  Like a boss.

seductions

Sex and the Married Man

Fall, 1992.

His name was Tony.  We met at the local gym.  I was 19 and he was 32.  He was a bodybuilder who worked security at the nearby top-secret nuclear weapons site.  He had such an attitude about himself.  I was immediately drawn to him.

“You’re not doing that right,” he said.

I looked up from the machine I was using and our eyes met.  There was a long stare and uncomfortable silence.  Then I remembered…I needed to respond.

“Really?  I am new here and I have never worked on this machine.  Could you show me how to do it properly?”  I smiled as I batted my eyes at him.

He looked into my eyes and with his sexy smirk said, “Oh yeah, I will show you how to do it right.”

Before I knew it, he was standing behind me, not an inch separated his body from mine.  He guided me in the proper form and use of the machine I was using.  We did several reps together before he stepped away.

“I am Tony.  I’m a regular here.  Let me know if you need any help.”  And just like that, he was gone to the free-weight section to lift with his friends.

I was smitten.  He was very good looking with an amazing body.  He was confident and sexy.  And I had to have him. From that day forward, I paid closer attention to what I wore to the gym.  I dabbed on a little makeup and ensured I smelled wonderful, despite how badly I was sweating.  I was disappointed…I didn’t see him again for a couple of weeks.  Just when I’d given up and ditched the pre-gym beauty regimen, I heard his voice behind me.

“Good to see you again.”

I turned to look at him and caught him checking me out from behind.  I smiled and said, “Caught you looking!”

“Of course I am looking.  Who wouldn’t notice you?”

We talked for a bit and he asked me to have lunch with him after our workout.  I agreed and we ventured to a local Applebees.  Over lunch he looked at me and said, “You know I’m married.”

Shit. Crap. Damn.  Motherfuck.  I always have luck like this…the good ones are always taken.  But this time, I decided to dig deeper.  “Why are we here then?” I asked.

“To eat lunch.” he smirked.

What a smart ass!  I could tell he enjoyed playing with me, so I gave it back to him.

“You are right, Tony.  We are having lunch.  But my question is…what is for dessert, lover?  I know what I am hungry for.” I was rather pleased with myself as I relaxed back in my chair and awaited his response.

“Finish up.  We are leaving.” he said.

I didn’t know if I’d offended him?  Misread his cues?   Overstepped?  I took a quick bite as he paid for the check.  We walked out as he said, “you are riding with me.”

I got into his black Mercedes convertible as he peeled out of the parking lot.  Nothing was said on the drive to his place.  I was nervous and confused by his demeanor and really didn’t know what to do.

We arrived at his condo about 10 minutes later.  He instructed me to wait in the car for five minutes before joining him.  I did as I was told.  I knocked on the door and he answered it in his boxers.  He pulled me into the house with a bit of force as he laid me out on the sofa and kissed me.

Before I knew it I was completely undressed.  And before I knew it my feet were on his large strong shoulders and his enormous cock was stretching my pussy as he entered me.  He pushed so deeply inside me that I gasped from the sensation.  I’d never felt anything quite like that.  He pushed deeper again and again.  The rhythm of how he fucked me was pure ecstasy.

“Do you like that, baby?  Do you like my big dick inside your tight little pussy?  Tell me you like it.”  His thrusts were harder and deeper and I was about to cum when he said, “Say it.  Do you like how I fuck you?”

I couldn’t hold back any longer and I screamed, “Yes…don’t stop fucking me” as I had an amazing orgasm.  He came at the same time and we both just sat there in silence for a few minutes.  We got dressed and as he drove me back to the gym he said, “She is on night shift this weekend.  I want to fuck you every night she works, got it?”

So forceful.  So demanding.  I freaking loved it.  I said, “Yes I’ve got it.  I want as much of you as I can get.”

And so it began….my first real affair.  Although I was blissfully single, he was not.  And I learned the rules of engagement quickly and effortlessly…like a good girl should.

More to come…and come….and come.

couch