I apologize for my long absence. I’ve been held captive. Against my will (in a way even I don’t like). Responsibility has had her long claws in me and I’ve not been able to break free for some time. But with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season behind me, I have managed to escape to share more of my tawdry tales with you.
A couple of posts back I wrote about the first time I fell in love. His name was Courtney and we had an incredibly hot, tumultuous relationship that lasted for almost a year. We loved fiercely. We lived together. We broke up. We got back together. Repeat. Over and over again. After months apart, I decided another reconciliation was too much for my heart to handle. But he called me one evening in December and I agreed to see him one last time. It was Christmas Eve, 1994, and we planned to have lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Since it had been months since we’d seen each other, I wanted to look especially hot for our date. I wore a tight red sweater with a plunging neckline, a black pencil skirt with black thigh high tights and boots. I simply “forgot” to wear panties. My hair was long and wild. I walked into the cafe and our eyes met. That man always made me smile. He hugged me and I felt whole again. I knew we wouldn’t work…we had tried so many times before and failed, but it felt so good to be back in his arms. Neither of us ate much, as we were captivated by each other’s presence.
After lunch, Courtney took me on a drive in his new Land Rover. We visited a secluded park by the river. It was empty, as most people were home for Christmas Eve. Without words, without prompting, we both got out of the front and moved to the backseat. He hiked up my skirt and opened my legs, revealing my lack of panties. He grinned as he pulled my hips towards his mouth. Almost instantly, he made me cum and I longed to have him inside me. He pulled me on top of him and I straddled his hard cock as we gazed into each other’s eyes. He brushed the hair back from my face and said, “I have missed you so much. Let’s try this again. I want you to move back in with me. We will make it work this time.”
I looked into his eyes as he pushed himself deeper inside me. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to be with him, but I knew we would fall apart again. I nuzzled in his neck and whispered, “I want nothing more, Courtney, but this will be our last time together. I cannot go back. We aren’t meant to be long-term. We both know it.”
His eyes seemed to well-up for a moment as we continued to make love. He knew I was right. We had an amazing afternoon together and soon it was time for me to go. I had a date later that night and needed to get ready. The guy was a smart, but boring, safe choice that I later married. I felt sick as Courtney and I said our goodbyes, but I pulled it together and dressed for my date, all the while, thinking of the steamy afternoon.
As I mentioned, I married the man I saw later than night. We never had the passion I shared with Courtney, but he was stable and easy to manage. I grew bored early in the relationship, but focused my frustrations, putting more time into my career and then into being a mother. I managed to stay on the straight and narrow for several years until a handsome co-worker lured me to the dark side. Once I crossed that threshold, there was no going back.
One fall afternoon in 2002, I ran into Courtney’s mother at the hospital. She was a nurse and I was there to see a patient for work. We hugged and reminisced about days past. She told me Courtney had finished school and was managing a region of dialysis clinics. She said he was married with two daughters. I smiled. I was happy for him. It sounded like he had found happiness. I told her to tell him, “hello” for me next time she talked with him, and we parted ways.
The next morning I received a call at work. It was him.
“Hey Tessa, it’s me.” he said. I knew his voice immediately.
“Courtney! It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?” I replied
“I am better now that I know where you are. I am coming to see you. What are your lunch plans on Thursday?”
I felt a nervous tinge in my stomach…he always caused me to have butterflies.
“I’m, uh….free. And you know I’m married, Courtney” I said. Thinking back to our last lunch, I knew where things could go.
“Of course I know you’re married. It’s lunch, Tess. Between good friends.” he assured me that it would just be lunch. Nothing else.
“Okay. Do you want me to meet you at the cafe?” I asked.
“No, I will pick you up at work, around noon.” he said.
“Okay, here’s the address. It’s 21…” and he interrupted me…”I talked to my mother and then I called you…I do know where you are, Tess. I will be there on Thursday. Can’t wait to see you!”
I was a ball of nerves for the rest of the day. It was Tuesday. I only had two days to prepare. Thursday arrived and I got to work earlier than I’d ever been. I was so nervous. So excited. So curious to see how he looked. Eager to breathe in his cologne. I’d dressed to impress and paid careful attention to my hair and makeup. I wanted to look good for him. I wore a dark chocolate brown sweater that showed my form, with a sexy (but work appropriate) skirt and heels. My hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. I looked professional and sexy.
I was completely distracted by his impending arrival. As the morning dragged on, my eyes were on the clock and then the door. Each time the door opened, I looked up from what I was doing to see if it was him, feeling disappointed when it was someone else. At 11:45, I heard the door open and I looked up to see him walking in.
My heart stopped. He was even more handsome than I’d remembered. Tall. Lean. Impeccably dressed. He swaggered in with purpose, wearing a camel colored leather topcoat, a crisply ironed shirt and slacks. He had grown a goatee and his thick hair was cropped short. The receptionist was giddy as she greeted him. She was smitten with his dashing looks and charm. She directed him to my office and before I knew it, we were locked in an embrace. The embrace of an old friend, the familiarity of an old lover, the sensuality of a love suspended by time and space.
“You are beautiful, Tess. Just stunning. Motherhood agrees with you.” he said. “You haven’t aged at all, you look amazing.”
I pulled back from him and gazed into his magical eyes. “You look great, too. So handsome and professional. It is so good to see you.”
“Are you ready for lunch?” he asked, extending his hand to me.
“Yes!” I exclaimed, taking his strong hand in mine and following him out of the building. He guided me to his car, a shiny black Porsche.
“You finally got your dream car!” I said, as he put me in the passenger seat.
“Yes, I did. And I love it! It took a long time to make it happen, but some things are worth the wait, you know?” he grinned.
We drove in silence to the cafe. I was secretly hoping he would turn off on the road to that deserted park and that lunch would be “funch” instead. But, as promised, we went to lunch. I could barely eat a bite, I was so excited to be with him. He didn’t eat much of his meal either. Mostly, we talked about what had happened in our lives for the last eight years. He was in a convenient marriage, just like me. He had two girls. I had one son. We compared notes on our careers and the conversation lagged.
He put his hand on mine, “I think of you every day. Every single day. I have missed you, Tess.”
“I think of you a lot too, Courtney. But we both have commitments now and things are different.” I said. (I hated saying it, but I at least wanted to try to appear responsible and in control of myself)
“I know. You are right. I just wish we’d tried one more time.”
“Well, we didn’t. And here we are.” Once again, I tried to stay on the right path.
“Here. We. Are.” he said, with a sly grin. “I have to see you more often. Even if it’s just for lunch. You are a part of me and I need to have you in my life.”
“Okay. How do we do this?” I asked. “How do we see each other, but keep a safe distance?”
“We don’t. There’s no need for distance, Tess. We know where we are in our lives. We can do this. We set our own rules and our own boundaries and agree to respect them. What do you think…can we see each other sometime?”
I lost myself in his gaze and before I could stop myself, I nodded and said, “Yes we can.”
He drove me back to the nursing center and walked me to my office. Kissing me on the forehead, he whispered, “I will be back in 2 weeks. Come up with a reason to be gone overnight…a meeting…a conference…something. I will be in touch soon.”
And he walked out.
I was weak in the knees as I collapsed into the chair behind my desk, letting out a long sultry sigh. Immediately, I fumbled through my calendar in anticipation of our reconciliation. Which day would work best? When will he call to let me know? How will I manage an overnight? My mind was going a hundred miles a minute when my office phone rang, bringing me back to reality.
“Hello, this is Tess. How may I help you?” I answered.
“Make plans for the 22nd/23rd. I will call you again soon,” he said. “It was great seeing you today. Until next time, baby.”
As I put the phone down, I turned to that page in my calendar and circled the dates…grinning to myself. It was going to happen.
(To be continued)
(Photo credit, Pinterest)