Carnal Knowledge

The Good Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty



Come on ladies, let’s dish about taking dirty….

In my younger days I found it challenging to talk dirty.  Although I was capable of doing some really naughty things, (you’ve seen this blog…I have been very naughty) explicit dialogue still made me blush.

Why is that?

I mean, I could be in the middle of fucking someone who had me pinned to the wall of his girlfriend’s dorm room, but uttering the words, “fuck me harder” escaped me.  I couldn’t say “bad things” like that.  The utterance of the word cock, dick or god-forbid, pussy, made me shudder with shame.  It’s almost as if I was a slutty prude.  I could screw with the best of them, but couldn’t talk the talk.  It was a real obstacle for me.

I was a proper and polite Southern woman,who just couldn’t narrate the porn scenes she was living.

It took a real Southern gentleman to help me bring out my inner voice.  And finally…finally…I was able to say it all. He cussed like a sailor, but always addressed me as “ma’am” and his charm helped to inspire me to learn the language.

So, what do you do if you don’t know how to talk dirty?

How do you begin?

For me, it was easiest to narrate the situation.  If he had me bent over the bed and was plowing me from behind, I may say something like…”You feel so good fucking me like this.”

As I began to learn my own slutty language, I would expound on it by saying, “You feel so fucking good.  I love how you fuck me from behind.”  (A bit more explicit and passionate.)

As I morphed into a dirty-talking whore, I would say something like, “Your cock feels so fucking good.  Fuck my wet pussy.  That’s your pussy, fill it up lover. Please don’t stop fucking me….”  (Porn star banter)

So to recap, in the beginning…just narrate the scene.  Make it your own.  Be natural.  Your first attempt may be something like, “I love how you take what’s yours…”  That’s still very compelling and sexy.  Remember, raunchy language is optional.  The most important thing is to be yourself.  But do try to be a more vocal, less proper version of yourself.

As you become comfortable with narrating…venture into requests/commands.  This is where the “fuck me harder, daddy” or “give me all that hard cock” type of phrasing comes in.  This type of dialogue is usually exchanged in the heat of passion…it may be right before an orgasm.  Let this come naturally to you.  Think of what you want…what you need to get you ‘there” and say it loud and proud.

Express yourself.  Tell your lover what feels good.  Tell them what you want.  Don’t mince words.  This is your chance.

One of my favorite ways to talk dirty is to surprise him by whispering little naughties in my lover’s ear…when we are in public.  I love to lean over to kiss him and then whisper something like, “my panties are soaked thinking about how badly I want to ride you tonight”  or my personal favorite, ” I wish I could drop to my knees right here.  I have a taste for your cock in my warm mouth.”  This type of verbiage will send him into oblivion.  I am guaranteed a fun night when I drop these hints.

Like most things, it’s all about the attitude.  Feeling confident allows you to find your voice.

Another way to introduce dirty dialogue is to engage in role play.  I adore role play.  There is something about going into “character” and channeling that personality that makes it very exciting.  I really enjoy playing a defiant school girl, who is a bit lippy to her teacher.  My banter is filthy in this scenario and believe me, I get more than detention.

Why not try it out?  Say something completely “un-lady-like” in his ear after dinner.  Or when he has your legs on his shoulders, describe how wet you are, or how hard he feels.  Tell him when you are about to cum.  Verbalize it.  Announce it.  Claim it.

Give him some lip service and see how he responds.  It’s likely you’ll be up late…and it’s even more likely you won’t be spending your time reading blogs.  I am sure he will have other plans for you.

sexy couple


Afraid of the Dark?

Just the other day, I was chatting with a friend who admitted that she enjoys being spanked by her husband during sex.  She was giggling and embarrassed to share this “deep and dark secret” with anyone.  We are casual friends and she has no idea who I am under my good girl veneer, so I was amused by her reticence in telling me.  I thought to myself…if she only knew.  Then I began to think about how most of us hide our secret selves.  Even from our partners.

Reflecting on my friend’s revelation, I realized that what some may consider mere play..others may find kinky.  What some find kinky, others may find offensive, or even immoral.  So we keep these thoughts hidden.  Hidden from society.  Hidden from our friends and family.  And sometimes, hidden from our lovers.  But why wouldn’t we trust them with our fantasies?  Do we feel we will be judged?  Do we worry they will see us differently?  And then I took a long insightful look at myself.

After all…I’ve pretty much done my fair share of everything.  What’s left to do in my treasure-trove of dark escapades?  What desires haven’t I fulfilled?

Believe me, I have a few things on my murky bucket list.  I just need to find the voice to share these decadent desires of mine …with my One.

I have always had a rape fantasy, not for the brutality, but more for the vulnerability.  And I have acted on it a few times, but it usually morphed into more of a BDSM scene and not the spontaneous “attack” I had envisioned.  I want the suspense.  I don’t want to know when it’s going to happen, or how it’s going to happen.  I crave the fear.

This is what I’d love to experience.  Here is a little scene from one of those opaque corners of my twisted mind.

I arrived home later than usual.  The kids were staying with friends and I assumed he and I would order takeout for dinner.  The house was pitch-black and quiet.  His car was not in the driveway, as he was also working late.  I was excited to know I had a few minutes of solitude before our evening began. I walked towards the bathroom and began to run a bath.

Making my way into the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of Argentine Malbec and returned to the bathroom to check the water.  It was hot and inviting.  I took a large swallow of wine and began taking off my jewelry.  I saw something in the mirror behind me.  A shadowy figure approaching me.  My heart raced and I let out a gasp, but quickly realized it was him.
Funny thing…I didn’t hear him drive up.
I continued with my routine, taking off my jewelry, my blazer, my peep-toe pumps.  I was just unbuttoning my white silk blouse when I said, “Hey sweetie.  I’m going to take a bath.  Let me know what you want to order for dinner.”
He was silent.  I could feel him staring at me from behind.  He wasn’t wearing his shirt and tie from work.  He was wearing all black…black t-shirt, black pants. I realized that he must have arrived home before me and changed his clothes.  That’s strange…where did he park his car?  
I turned around to face him.  “Are you okay?  When did you get home?”
He suddenly put his hand over my mouth and forcefully walked me into our bedroom.
His whispered in my ear, “You’re asking for it, undressing in front of me like that.  I am going to fuck you so hard I will make you beg me to stop.”
I had never heard that tone in his voice.  I didn’t know where this was coming from…truly I was a bit scared.  He pushed me onto the bed face down. He hiked up my black skirt and spread my legs with his knee.  He reached up my thighs and yanked off my dainty pink lace panties.  Ripping them on one side.
“Be still” he growled as he plunged three fingers into my wet hole. He finger fucked me with one hand as he pulled his pants down with the other.  Before I knew it he was deep in my sex, fucking me from behind as he pinned my body to the bed.
“You’re so fucking wet.  You like this, don’t you?”  He penetrated me so deeply, I could feel a tinge of pain every time he thrust himself inside. He filled me…every inch of me.   I was writhing in pleasure, close to an orgasm. Excited by how it was all happening.
Then he backed away, pulled me to my feet  to face him and pushed me down on my knees and rammed himself down my throat.  I could taste my juices on his glistening cock as he pushed my head down on his shaft, edging as far down my throat as I could take.  I couldn’t even gag.  I couldn’t breathe.  He knows I love breath play and he held my head on his cock until my eyes began to water.  He would release and give me a respite to catch my breath before he did it again.  And again.  He continued until my face was tear-stained black from my mascara.  He pulled me up by my hair and told me to get on the bed on my back.
He positioned me with my head slightly off of the bed as he stood over me and slowly eased his cock down my throat again.
“I want to see how far you can take this” he sneered.  He slowly fucked my mouth and throat as he rubbed my clit relentlessly.  I was so out of control.  So vulnerable and exposed.   There was nothing I could do, but lay there and take it.   I could barely breathe…I was barely able get enough air in my throat with his large cock taking up all the space.  I moaned as I came repeatedly, squirting and gushing everywhere.
“Get on all fours, ass up” he quipped.  I quickly complied and he spread me as wide as my legs could go.  My legs were shaky from being stretched so far.  It made me feel helpless and immobile.  He was behind me, grabbing my ass he plowed himself inside my ravaged cunt.  Deeper and deeper.  My body shuddering with each movement.  I couldn’t tell where one orgasm stopped and the other began.  I just kept having them, screaming in ecstasy as he kept fucking me.
Then he stopped.  To get my attention, he pulled my head back by my long dark mane.  Then I felt him enter my ass.  His cock was so slick from my wetness that he slid in with one movement. He let out a deep, baritone snarl as he fucked my tight hole.  I knew he was close to the edge.  He was so hard.  He slowed his pace with deeper, purposeful thrusts. Just before he came, he let out a primal growl that bellowed off the walls.
Afterwards we were both silent.  He moved up to the head of the bed and pulled me into his chest.  He tilted my chin to face him as he softly kissed my lips.
“How was that for you?  Did I fulfill your rape fantasy?”
My body was still trembling from the overall experience…from the intense orgasms he gave me.  I managed to find my words as I whimpered, “Yes, Sir.  You did.”
He scooped me up his arms and stroked my hair as we drifted off to sleep.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Anal…

I will openly, honestly and unabashedly admit it….

I love it in the ass.

There is something about anal that is so primal.  So taboo.  So dastardly.

I know that most women (let me clarify I hate generalizations like “most women” but know that I am speaking from my pool of friends and acquaintances) don’t regularly allow visitors in the “back” door.  They reserve this entrance for birthdays or anniversaries.  Or let’s be real…if your man cleans out the gutters, or refinishes the floors…he deserves anal, if he wants it.  But still…letting him fuck you in the ass is usually reserved for special occasions.  

Why is that?

Is it because you just don’t like it?  He doesn’t like it?  Is it because it’s perceived as being wrong or immoral?  Is it because you are uncomfortable with the mechanics of it…after effects, etc?  Because if approached properly, it can be amazing.  I don’t know if anyone else reading this has had a g-spot/anal orgasm simultaneously, but it is something you will want to celebrate.  It’s so fucking good, you may find yourself calling your mom to tell her about it.

Let’s open up and talk frankly about the ass.  The single most important thing  when engaging in anal is to make sure there is proper lubrication.  You cannot skip this step.  It is the difference between disaster and bliss.  It is imperative that you are well lubricated or it won’t happen again for 10 years, regardless of the gutters or floors.

Make sure you are clean.  As women, we often stress over our bodies.  And I will digress off the anal over to oral for a quick minute…but have you ever not enjoyed having someone pleasure your orally because you were stressed that your ‘hoo-hah’ was less than pleasant?  I know I have.  Not that it needs to smell like Bath and Body Works, but we all want to be so fresh and so clean, clean.  Over the years, I have found ways to ensure I am comfortable with my scent.  I have not one time had a complaint from anyone who has been up close and personal or front and center with her.  And so I encourage you…make sure your back door is clean and then let your anxieties go.

Go slowly.  Being able to venture around back makes some men very excited.  Make sure your partner knows that this is a process that is not to be rushed.  I am more aroused if he fingers my ass first…and when using lubricant, it ensures there is a slippery path for his grand entrance.  Whether you are using a plug or a dildo, or the real thing…take it one inch at a time and don’t forget to breathe.  Stay in close communication about what feels good and what doesn’t.  It may take more than one attempt to go “all in” but it’s worth the try.

As you become more comfortable, try double penetration.  While he is tightly in your ass have him fuck your pussy with his fingers or a well-lubricated dildo.  Or better yet…one that vibrates so he can enjoy it as much as you do.  Now that’s what I call double trouble.

Remember this…there is a cardinal, hygienic rule when it comes to anal.  After entering the back door, he is NOT allowed to enter the front door, without first cleaning himself.  There are certain “things” that should not be mixed together and this is very important.  Front door first, back door second…good.  Mouth first, front door second and back door last…even better.  (I am not an ass-to-mouth girl…I am in healthcare and could never go there with what I know) But ass is always last.  That rhymes so it should be easy to remember.

So why not get a bit liquored up and give it a spin?  (First time is a little easier if you’re tipsy) Why not try something taboo?  Why not surprise your guy with a welcome mat for the back door….one that says, “Come in, we’re open.”

Who knows…he may clean out the gutters without one single reminder this year.

Ass up, ladies.  Make it happen.


(Disclaimer.  This post was written by a masochist.  Please note all references to pain or discomfort may be minimized given her unique and twisted perspective.) 

The Good Girl’s Guide to Cock Worship

I don’t like the term “blow job”
It insinuates a “task” to be performed…a “job” one must do. It feels obligatory.
I prefer the concept of cock worship.

What is the difference, you ask?
One is a task. The other is a privilege.

When I worship my One, I think of it as a spiritual offering. I am giving him an immense indulgence. Letting him know how much I love and adore him with every lick. Every stroke. Every suck. Every nuance of my mouth. Seeing my mouth as a portal to his pleasure.

I usually begin by massaging his scrotal area. Sometimes rubbing a small part of his ass. I move my hand up to the shaft of his cock and stroke it softly and slowly. I then lick the tip of his head, teasing him before I take him all into my mouth. I do this in slow motion, savoring each and every inch of him as I slowly move my mouth up and down.
I take my time. I want to give him an unforgettable experience every time his smooth head parts my lips.

There is no agenda.  There is no timeline.

I lose myself in the adoration, the ritual.  I suck, lick, massage, stroke and consume him…for long sessions at a time.  I taste his balls, play with his ass and suck on his nipples.  I do anything to show him my reverence.

The focus is not solely on his orgasm.  Trust me, we get there soon enough.  I am centered on his journey to bliss, not the destination itself.  There have been times that I have worshiped his cock for almost an hour (with breaks of course) pouring out devotion comparable to that of a Buddhist monk.

And my reward is sweet.  And salty…

For the bad girls who want to be the best at being bad…here are a few tips to achieve Nirvana as you embark on your pilgrimage to cock worship.

  1. Know what he likes.  My One prefers a soft suck, not hard suction.  I have the tendency (when aroused) to give a Hoover vacuum a run for its money, but I have to remember how he likes it.
  2. Time is on your side.  If you are committing to a session of cock worship, then go all-in, without agenda.  Without a timeline in your head about giving head.  Just lose your head and do what you do.
  3. Make it a joint effort.  Please don’t forget about the boys.  Hold them.  Caress them.  Lick them.  Stroke them.  Show them some love.  You’ll be glad you did.  Use your hands and your mouth in tandem.  Pure ecstasy.
  4. Tease and play.  Have fun with it.  I sometimes play coy and ask if he likes it…do you want me to stop…should I keep going?  If I feel him coming close to orgasm, I may back off and prolong the experience.  Make it fun.  Keep it light.
  5. To swim you have to swallow.”  Marilyn Manson got it right with these infamous lyrics.  You have revered.  You have worshiped.  Now it’s time to accept your communion.  Let it flow down the back of your throat like holy wine, knowing you have paid homage to this demigod.

I must say, all of this writing makes me want to praise his member…


(Photo credit, Tumblr)