The year was 1985. And I found myself on a deserted dirt road, in the backseat of his white Monte Carlo. I loved the way his lips felt on mine. I loved how he gently sucked on my tongue when we kissed. How he patiently guided me through each step. After all, it was my first time. We had been messing around for weeks, but this was it. This was the night it was going to happen. We didn’t talk about it, or plan it. But we both knew.
He picked me up from the skating rink, where my trusting and naive parents had just dropped me off moments before. I walked with such confidence. I knew what we were going to do and I felt ready. I got into his car and we drove to our usual location. The dirt road was pitch black and I remember how the car shook from the gravel beneath the tires. I remember the smell of his cologne. We were both quiet during the drive and on occasion, I would catch him looking at me.
He pulled over to the place by the large oak tree. We began kissing and quickly moved into the backseat. I recall him taking off all of my clothes. The seats felt cold on my skin as he laid me down on my back. I braced myself for him. I’d read Cosmo. I’d watched movies. I knew it would hurt the first time. Suddenly I felt his mouth on me, as he spread my legs wide, massaging my clit with his tongue. I didn’t know how to react. I was shocked and aroused. I began to moan with pleasure It was unlike anything I’d ever felt. But before I lost myself in my first real orgasm, I felt the weight of his body on mine as he opened me wide with his hips and entered me.
I will always remember the pain. The pressure. The feeling that he had penetrated more than my body. That he had pushed himself into me again and again and how with each thrust I became more aware of every sensation. I could feel myself becoming more wet, more excited with each movement. I wanted more of him. I found myself shedding my outer skin and morphing into an insatiable beast.
A beast I have been ever since.
That fateful evening in July, I lost my virginity and began a journey into decadence, almost possessed with lust. Craving knowledge. Craving experience. Craving sex.
And that was just the beginning.